Let me first apologize to Mohani. I am addicted to Belon Oren and have taken almost all of the blog space. But Mohani, I swear, this is an important literary piece of global importance.

Inspired by this link

I, Adila-Mike Nasir, do hereby unveil to you, the article of my first official spanish-english translating job :

Air Sex.. Sex with the Air

(meh, you know i’m just randomly translating, right? =p)

“Air sex is having sex without a companion .. says one of the i-don’t-know of the video which comes alongside the article. Something, something, something, we something masturbate? Something more, and it consist of making love with the air. Pelvic movements, oooh, something spacy.. Oh god. (Er, let’s try not to put graphical images into our head)..

The second paragraph, i don’t understand at all, all i know is it include words such as “the imagination” and “climax”. Oh, and apparently the founder of Air Sex is named Sugisaku Jtaro.

Next paragraph. Someone named Sentaro is admitting he had never had sex with a girl. He talks something about Japan, no idea what though, which made them create Air Sex.

And that is the end of my limited Spanish.

Pfft, you know, you could have just used google translation instead of reading this. Or use wikipedia

But anyway, inspired by Air Sex, and since I am a Muslim and obviously will carry with me the shame if I ever took to selling Air Sex for life, I must turn towards a more decent, more Muslim-like business idea.

Let me introduce to you (drumroll please!)

The guitar for Muslims (La guitarra por los musulmanes)

It is Syariah-compliant, without strings.. La guitarra del aire a.k.a air guitar! For the first time introduced in Malaysia.

For the first 200 customers, I will give you free air plectrum which will come alongside your air-guitar. I will include for you fingering instructions on the special chords for the air-guitar, as well as advanced moves to the tune of awesome rock bands such as Muse, the Strokes, Tom Morello moves as well as Led Zeppelin and many others. Custom advanced moves may be ordered.

yeap. and if you doubt my experience on this industry niche, take comfort in the fact that adila is a certified memorizer of every single matthew-bellamy-pelvic-movement known to mankind, and our instructions are perfect to the nearest nerve muscle (yes, this is where you must be grateful to my dear ex-biology teacher Muthla) and co-ordinated with graphical mathematical precision (yes, this is where you thank my mom =p)

Each air-guitar is crafted from fresh air, specially captured to enhance the performance of your air-guitaring.

Did I mention that it is fully Shariah compliant to every single Muslim denomination in the entire world?

Retailing at RM 50. 00 per instrument.

The original posting can be found here.

If you haven’t heard yet of Shai Agassi, here is the chance to do so. He is a very ambitious Israeli who is bringing back what has been in numerous times banned in the United States (now, now, isn’t this ripe seeds for a full-blown conspiracy theory?) - the electric car.

Of Project Better Place, Shai Agassi has finally made a move to the US from Israel and Denmark, pitching for the first time in a less modest method than his previous one city one island visit.

Here is his pitch speaking to the House of Representatives, to be summed:

1. For the price of 2 months oil (100 billion), infrastructures can be placed to power nation’s car and end oil dependence
2. 80 billion of the same 100 billion will go into providing jobs for American citizens (thus magically solving unemployment issues)
3. For one year’s oil (500 billion), fully renewable electrical generation sufficient to power all of the nation’s vehicle can be created.

Awesome, isn’t it? While we in Malaysia are still fighting about oil. Shame on us.

Please vote for the centrists.

Okay, if you are reading this, please vote for Adila-Mike Nasir as your next Prime Minister.

I don’t pretend to know anything. I am hopelessly ignorant and nonchalant of many things, but look at me, man. Who wouldn’t want to vote for me? Malaysia IS me.

Our Vision

Centrism is not defined by compromise or moderation, it is considerate of them. It’s about achieving common sense solutions that fit the current needs; support the public trust; serve the common good; and consideration of short and long term needs.

The Need for A Centrist Party

Let us be honest here. We are a struggling economy. We are not an isolated economy. Potential fall of the US economy will most likely mean death for ourselves too.

Well, have you ever heard that political gridlock is bad for struggling economies? At almost 50/50 government-opposition power distribution at the policy-making level, we are in danger of extreme political polarization.

Who wants to talk seriously of health care issues, long term budget and economic policies and weigh the total pros and cons when each party is forced to stand at one end of the political line and stick to it?

Both parties are preoccupied by political warfare. At this point, legislative leaders on both sides rarely even pretend to favor working together to solve important problems. In fact, I suspect they are determined not to solve problems, at least not to solve them until the next election comes along, and so they can win with the same issues. None of these parties will now benefit from solving problems.

Also, by keeping issues alive, the parties can differentiate their ideology, raise money, fire up their core constituencies, and conduct media battles. To our national shame, solving problems isn’t the real political goal.

Who is still neutrally debating on the basic issues of pro-oil hike vs subsidization?

The centrists. That’s who. While we might be seen as the lowest of the low, the nonchalant people who are obstinately refusing to take sides, we know that we are standing at the only position true to ourselves.

And that is to debate. We are born to be in the policy-making system. Centrists will continue to debate proven policies, and continue to experiment on weird weird weird policies, but we will ensure you, minimal tax will be used, and while we will be weird, we will surely be progressive.

Why you will make money out of us

Because Adila-Mike, your Prime Minister, is a minimalist. If you give me my dose of Muse CDs and allow me to marry my abang spain, I promise I will live in a hut and be happy forever and not use any of your tax money. This is genius policy at its best =p.

I also promise to spend 1% of your tax money on the weirdest investments. Silver, electric cars, basically weird weird things. Your tax will unfortunately have to increase by 1%, but in the off chance that one of our investments make it huge, I promise the money will still be channeled to you 100%, as long as I still have my abang spain and my hut.

I will question every single spending in the country. The wisdom of using soap for example. Do you know if nobody uses soap, nobody would smell like shit and we would save 9 billion US dollars?

No? That’s because I made the 9 billion dollars up, but the former is completely true, I swear.

My Cabinet

I will enforce discrimination in the cabinet at its worst. Only centrists will be even considered. Which basically means nobody will have any idea on what the country’s policies will be about until we leave the room - because even us centrists would not know anything yet.

Like I said, we will be weird. Sometimes we will come to a deadlock. But we will be progressive. We will not waste fund finding the Big Foot, but we will create a private charity-organization trust fund to communicate with aliens. And I promise, not a cent from tax money.

Ah, priority for ministerial position will of course be given to INTPs and INTJs.

What about the oil issue?

Pfft, I can’t believe we never thought about this. Stop exporting the oils. 1% of your tax money I will invest on electric cars.

I will announce to the world that Malaysia, is out of oil, while making it obvious that we do, and that we are just hiding our oil. This will mean that our currency will not be affected, people will not think we are a struggling economy, and people will continue to invest in us.

While we of course, cleverly hide our oils.

Instead of RM 600 to support your oil expenses, I will buy a bicycle for each and every Malaysian. We will organize group bike-surfing every week.

At the end of 2010, we will still have oils which will have quadrupled in price (well maybe, if not, I’m still banking on the electric car investment). We will be the hottest, tonest, flattest-abs-having country in the world, not to mention richest!

Screw 2020, 2010 is the new date.

And it is at that point which I will pass a new law allowing every single Malaysian women in the country to have their very own abang Spain.

Yes, I am an absolute genius =p.

I can’t remember how this started; suddenly we have a wordpress (you’re looking at it now) and a Facebook fan page!

How did we become this obnoxious and self-indulgent?

Don’t answer that

I have dibs on first post.

..

what exactly was the point of this blog again?

• to indulge in our innermost passion

• to orgasm over our own intellectual thoughts and process

• to give our much beloved obsessions their due place. we are firm and staunch believers that matt bellamy and catherine deneuve deserve to rule the earth.

• ah, apparently we’re also supposed to mention about global issues and such. maybe.

Oh, let me take the opportunity to give great thanks to the island of Tokelau, for giving us this very beautiful domain.